The Odd Couple
by SukuraAndSlmnatey
Summary: Snake and Raiden's hilarous adventures as they go on various trips! Chapters 15-18 up! Filled with cheerleaders, Easter surprises, birthday parties, and a Boy's Night Out!
1. K-Mart Shoppers

*First of all, we don't own anything involving MGS2, Konami does. We also don't own Tess, Snickers, K-Mart, Jack Daniels, Final Fantasy, Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, Buns of Steel, The movie Big Buns, GTA3 or any of the songs or quotes from it. This is by me, Sukura and my brother Slmnatey. Please No Flaming!*  
  
Snake: Do you have to carry that gun inside the store?  
  
Raiden: Yeah, you never know what might happen.  
  
Snake: You better put it away. All the cashiers are taking the money out of the registers.  
  
Raiden: Ooooh! Look over there!  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Raiden: They have a special on cardboard boxes!  
  
Snake: Very handy.  
  
Raiden: Yeah.  
  
Snake: I have to go, uhhhhhh, do something.  
  
Raiden: What?  
  
Snake: None of your business.  
  
Raiden: Whatever.  
  
*Man walks up to Raiden*  
  
Man: Excuse me, miss, but could you tell your friend to stop kicking my dog?  
  
Raiden: I am not a girl!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Man: Ok, but do you really think I can't see your friend when he hides in that box?  
  
Snake: Hey! Stop harassing my sister!  
  
Raiden: I am not a girl!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Snake: Hahahaha!  
  
Man: Do you guys always dress like that?  
  
Raiden and Snake: Would you leave already?!  
  
Man: Ok. *turns to dog* C'mon Otacon, let's go.  
  
Raiden: Did he just say.....  
  
Snake: Nevermind.  
  
Raiden: Hey look a MGS section.  
  
Snake: Hey, isn't that Otacon? *Not the dog, the person*  
  
Otacon: Hey miss, what's your name?  
  
Snickers: Snickers. What can I help you with? *She is a K-Mart employee*  
  
Otacon: Where is the action figure of me?  
  
Snake: There isn't one laptop boy!  
  
Otacon: That's a low blow Snake!  
  
*Raiden and Snake laugh*  
  
Snickers: Can I intrest you in some dresses, miss?  
  
Raiden: I am not a girl!!!!  
  
Snake: Hahahaha!  
  
Raiden: Maryl, Maryl, Maryl, Maryl!  
  
Snake: Rosemary, Rosemary, Rosemary!  
  
Snickers: Errr...you're a guy...sorry.  
  
Otacon: Cool down, guys! You're making a scene.  
  
*People starting making a crowd around Raiden and Snake. Snake picks up a Snake action figure and throws it at Raiden. Raiden throws a Maryl action figure back*  
  
Snake: Nooooo! *catches box and sets on ground lightly* That's it! Now I'm mad!  
  
Raiden: What are you gonna do about it, grandpa?  
  
Snake: Come here, blondie!  
  
Raiden: Oh, It's on now!  
  
Tess: Hey Snickers. *Also K-mart employee* Is that....OTACON! OMG!!! *faints*  
  
Snake: Boy, he's not that good-looking.  
  
Otacon: That's a low blow Snake!  
  
*Snake and Raiden wrestle down the aisle while people start to place bets. While Otacon flirts with the two K-Mart employees, a frightened onlooker calls the police. They arrive minutes later.*  
  
Cop: Alright. Who started this?  
  
*Everyone points to Otacon*  
  
All: He did!  
  
Otacon: No, I didn't. They're lying....Hey! What are you doing?  
  
Tess: I won't leave him! *hanging onto Otacon's arm. Otacon gets handcuffed and thrown in the back of the car*  
  
Snickers: Aren't you guys gonna do something?  
  
Snake and Raiden: Sure! *begin to roll on the floor laughing*  
  
Raiden: We should go bail him out.  
  
Snake: You know what? We shouldn't.  
  
Raiden: You sure?  
  
Snake: Yeah buddy! Let's go to the bar.  
  
Raiden: But Snake...I don't think I'm old enough to drink in this state!  
  
Snake: That's not a problem! *hands Raiden a fake ID*  
  
Raiden: Let's Roll! 


	2. Too Many Jack Daniels

*Snake and Raiden are driving down the street on the way to the bar*  
  
Snake: Here we are!  
  
Raiden: Yahoo! *jumps out of car* Let's go! Let's go!  
  
Snake: *slowly gets out of car and shuts door* Calm down, boy. It's not that big of a deal.  
  
Raiden: *jumps up and down* It is! It is!  
  
Snake: Oh brother. *They go into the bar*  
  
Raiden: Wow! I've never been to a bar before!  
  
Snake: I know.  
  
Raiden: What's a screwdriver? Isn't that a power tool?  
  
Snake: Oh brother.  
  
Solidus: What?  
  
Snake: Solidus? *turns around and finds nothing*  
  
Snake: I've got to stop drinking. *pauses* Not. Can I have a Jack Daniels?  
  
Bartender: Single or double?  
  
Raiden: *jumping around bar* I'm 21! I'm 21!  
  
Snake: Better make it a triple.  
  
Raiden: Can I have a carbomb....what's that?  
  
Bartender: Sure. Do you want it on the rocks?  
  
Raiden: No I want it right here.  
  
Bartender: No that's not what I meant. I meant do you want ice?  
  
Raiden: No I want a busbomb.  
  
Bartender: What?  
  
Raiden: Or was it a vanbomb.  
  
Bartender. I think you mean a...  
  
Raiden: I know! A carbomb!  
  
Bartender: That's it. I quit.  
  
Raiden: Are you going to the rocks?  
  
Bartender: Oh brother!  
  
Snake: Solidus? *Snake is stumbling around and drunk*  
  
Raiden: I still didn't get a drink.  
  
Snake: Have mine. * hands Raiden drink and collapses*  
  
Raiden: Well, I guess I have to drive.  
  
*Raiden walks out with the drink in one hand and dragging Snake. He puts Snake in the back and gets in the driver's side.*  
  
Raiden: Hey! Where are the keys? * gets them out of Snake's pocket.* Ok. *Sips drink*  
  
This tastes weird. Weird but good. *he finishes the drink and then starts the car.*  
  
*He is drunk while driving and only driving in circles around the bar*  
  
SUDDENDLY....BOOOM! CRASH!!!  
  
*Raiden and Snake wake up in a jail cell next to Otacon.*  
  
Otacon: Hey guys! What are you doing here?  
  
Snake: That's what I'd like to know.  
  
Raiden: Uhhh...*groans and turns to Snake* Blechhhhhhh.....  
  
Snake: Ewwwwww!  
  
Otacon: hahahah!  
  
Snake: What are you laughing at?  
  
Otacon: You know what I just figured out? How are we gonna get out of here?  
  
*Snake, faced with this newfound information turns and urinates on Otacon's leg.* 


	3. Jail

Otacon: That's a low blow, Snake!  
  
Snake: What is?  
  
Otacon: You just...  
  
Raiden: *yawns*  
  
Otacon: I was trying to say...  
  
Raiden: *burps loudly*  
  
Otacon: Nevermind.  
  
Snake: Where's that chick?  
  
Otacon: Huh?  
  
Raiden: *slurs words*  
  
Snake: Forget him. That girl who was hanging all over you.  
  
Otacon: Oh! Tess. She's really, uh, nice.  
  
Raiden: *laughs* What did you do with her?  
  
Snake: Shut up! Your voice bothers me.  
  
Raiden: *falls asleep with drool hanging out of his mouth*  
  
*Tess, Snickers, and a cop walk up to the cells*  
  
Tess: Uh, hi, Otacon.  
  
Snickers: *hands on hips* How did you guys get in here?  
  
Otacon: Uh, hi. *blushes*  
  
Snake: Raiden crashed into a tree.  
  
Cop: Ok. Well, you're free to go. *unlocks both cells*  
  
*The group heads outside*  
  
Snake: I'm driving this time, blondie.  
  
Raiden: Huh? What? Aren't we in jail?  
  
Otacon: No we got released.  
  
Snake: *slaps Raiden in head*  
  
Raiden: Owwww!! What was that for?  
  
Snake: Don't EVER touch my car AGAIN!!!  
  
Raiden: What car?  
  
Snake: *puts head in hands and sobs*  
  
Otacon: Well, I guess we'll be taking my car.  
  
Tess: Yeah! We will! *Super excited*  
  
Otacon: Yeah, I'm so cool.  
  
Snake: Guess again, laptop boy.  
  
Otacon: Did I say that out loud?  
  
Raiden: Uh, yeah.  
  
Tess: *smiles* It's ok. I still think you're cool.  
  
Otacon: Yeah!  
  
Snake: *rolls eyes*  
  
*They all shove into Otacon's tiny car*  
  
Snickers: Alright! Who's hand is on my leg?  
  
Raiden: Someone's elbow is in my stomach!  
  
Snake: *is sitting in the middle of them* uh, sorry.  
  
Snickers: *slaps Snake*  
  
Otacon: *puts car in gear* Settle down. *smiles at Tess who is in the front seat*  
  
Tess: Ah....  
  
Raiden: Uh oh! *quickly rolls down window and throws up*  
  
All: Ewwww!  
  
Raiden: Uh, sorry.  
  
Snake: Where are we going anyway?  
  
Tess: To your house Otacon!  
  
Otacon: *eyes get wide and blushes* A bit later, Tessy. Where do the rest of you want to go?  
  
Snake: Defiantly not to your house, Otacon. I don't want to see your Bill Gates posters.  
  
Raiden: Ha ha!!  
  
Otacon: *blushing* Don't you have some throwing up to do?  
  
Raiden: Shut up!  
  
Tess: Don't tell him to shut up!  
  
Raiden: Someone's in love!!!!!  
  
Tess: *blushes*  
  
Otacon: Shut up Raiden!  
  
Snake: Watch the road!  
  
BOOM!!!! CRASH!!!! 


	4. The AfterMath

Otacon: *climbs out of car* Is everyone ok?  
  
Tess: I'm fine, Otacon.  
  
Raiden: Ok.  
  
Snickers: All good here.  
  
Otacon: Snake?! Snake?! You alright?  
  
Snake: *twitching*.....I need cigarettes!  
  
Raiden: No. You need rehab.  
  
Otacon: I agree.  
  
Snake: *reaches into pocket and fumbles out a cigarette and lights it up* Ah....  
  
Snickers: You know what that does to your body?  
  
Snake: Otacon only tells me every five seconds.  
  
Otacon: *begins to scratch*  
  
Snickers: What's wrong with you?  
  
Otacon: Anime game!!! I want to play!!!  
  
Snake: You need rehab, too!  
  
Otacon: That's a low blow, Snake!  
  
Tess: Yeah!  
  
Raiden: *prances around* Ooh, I'm Otacon! I love anime! *puts on girl's voice* And I'm his lover, Tess! I like anime too!  
  
Tess: *blushes* It's not funny.  
  
Snickers: Yet so true.  
  
Otacon: Shut up Raiden or I'll...I'll...  
  
Raiden: *crosses arms* What laptop boy? Don't throw any magnas at me, I bruise easily!  
  
Snake: *laughs* This is great.  
  
Otacon: You stupid head!  
  
Raiden: I've heard better comebacks from a chair!  
  
Otacon: Car wrecker!  
  
Raiden: No fair! I was drunk!  
  
Otacon: I meant my car! If you hadn't been arguing!  
  
Raiden: Don't blame me!  
  
Otacon: Don't even go there!  
  
Tess: *jumps up and down* Quiet!!!!!  
  
*Everyone stops and stares*  
  
Tess: Yea! It worked.  
  
Snake: She's right. What should we do now?  
  
Otacon: I guess we have to go to my house. I live down the street. I have to call Triple A anyway.  
  
Snickers: Sounds good to me.  
  
Tess: Oh what I've always dreamed!  
  
Snake: I hope you have some salami. 


	5. GTA3 and Otacon's Date

*The group heads to Otacon's house*  
  
Otacon: Have a seat everyone. I have to go make a couple calls. * goes into kitchen*  
  
Snake: *gets salami and a beer he left in Otacon's fridge* Ahhhhh..  
  
Raiden: Ooh! A PS2! Who wants to play GTA3?  
  
Snickers: Me! Me! Me!  
  
Raiden: Ok. *turns on system and hands Snickers controller*  
  
Tess: *collapses in chair* It smells like I dreamt it would!  
  
Raiden: Go left! I said left!!  
  
Snickers: Shut up! I'm trying!  
  
Snake: *chewing on salami* Turn on chatterbox.  
  
Snickers: *puts on chatterbox on game* Ok.  
  
Raiden: Go to...I mean get a Taxi.  
  
Snake: Your wife! She is a fat porker! *laughs*  
  
Raiden: Stop repeating the game!  
  
Snake: I not real latin, but I provide real latin passion!  
  
Raiden: Ugh!  
  
Snickers: *turns to flashback on game*  
  
Tess: *looks around room at knickknacks and such* Wow! He has such great taste!  
  
Snake: She's on fire! *stops singing* Hey!  
  
Snickers: I died! Sorry. Here, let me get a car. *gets car and turns on Flashback*  
  
Raiden: Push it to the limit! Standin' on the razor's edge! Man I love that song.  
  
Otacon: I'm back. Hey! Who said you could play my PS2? And where'd that GTA3 come from?  
  
Everyone: I'm hot tonight!  
  
Otacon: Nevermind. What do you guys wanna do now?  
  
Snake: Shhh! Instrumental solo!  
  
Snickers: *bounces up and down in chair* I'm hot tonight! Hot tonight! Wooo!  
  
Tess: I love your place, Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Really? *grabs her hand* That's wonderful!  
  
Tess: If you want...*whispers in Otacon's ear*  
  
Otacon: You're lying.  
  
Tess: Nope.  
  
Otacon: Gee, guys could you, oh I don't know, get out. Uh, Snake, you can borrow my other car! *Throws Snake keys*  
  
Snake: Come on guys! Suddenly Otacon's a party animal!  
  
Snickers: Woo Woo!  
  
Raiden: *whistles*  
  
*The trio leaves*  
  
Raiden: I'm driving!* trys to take keys from Snake*  
  
Snake: *holds keys over Raiden's head.* Not in a million years.  
  
Snickers: Good. I was worried there for a second.  
  
Snake: Well, you can trust me.  
  
Snickers: I know.  
  
Otacon: OW! Watch it!  
  
*Trio giggles and heads for parking lot. 


	6. Stolen

Snake, Raiden ,and Snickers Walk up to the spot where Otacon's car is supposed to be sitting.  
  
Snake: Uhh guys?  
  
Raiden: What?  
  
Snake: Where's the car?  
  
Snickers: There it is.  
  
Snake and Raiden turn to see Ocelot racing away with Otacon's car.  
  
Snake: Hey get back here!!  
  
The group decides to walk all the way to Snake and Raiden's apartment. They just walk in the door when suddenly.........RING RING!!!!!!!  
  
Snake: Hello?  
  
Ocelot: I have the new Mitsubishi Metal Gear and I want $500,000,000,000 ransom.  
  
Snake still clutching the phone falls to the ground laughing.  
  
Snickers: What's going on?  
  
Raiden grabs the phone from Snake.  
  
Raiden: Hello?  
  
Ocelot: Yeah, Mario? I would like 10 Double cheese and Mushroom Pizzas please.  
  
Raiden: (chuckling) It's Ocelot, I think he hit himself in the head with his gun again.  
  
Raiden hands the phone to Snickers.  
  
Snickers: Ocelot, Where did you take Ocelot's car?......... I mean Otacor.........Ahhh how do you guys keep this straight?  
  
Snake: Ancient Chinese Secret.  
  
Raiden: You mean from Mei Ling.  
  
Snake: SHUT UP! I miss her. She was so much cooler than Otacon.  
  
Snickers: Oh please!  
  
Ocelot: I am at the corner of Washington and Pine.  
  
Snickers: Thanks (in the background) what a bozo.  
  
Snake: Washington and Pine that's on the other side of town and I am not a pedestrian.  
  
Raiden: We can rent some bikes.  
  
Snake: Oh no I don't do the bike thing.  
  
Snickers: C'mon Snake it's not that far.  
  
Snake: Whatever, as long as I don't have to walk.  
  
Snake, Raiden, and Snickers make their way to the rental shop. Sadly it's national ride your bike day, and the only bikes left are two 16 inch pink two wheelers and a unicycle.  
  
Snake: I am not riding the little girlie thing.  
  
Snake hops on the unicycle.  
  
Raiden: I could care less.  
  
Snickers: No problem here.  
  
The Trio comes to a three way street each branching in a different direction, of course they all have there own idea of which way to go.  
  
Snake: his is the way, I know it.  
  
Snickers: No It's not its this way.  
  
Raiden: Your Both wrong its this way.  
  
They All head in there own directions.  
  
Raiden and Snickers Meet at the corner of Washington and Pine Where Ocelot is Running down the street corner nude with pizza sauce and cheese covering his body.  
  
Raiden: I guess he found Mario.  
  
Ocelot then got hauled of by the police for public indeceincy.  
  
Snickers: Now there is only one question.............Where the hell is Snake?  
  
Raiden: I know where he is.  
  
Raiden and Snickers get in the car and drive off they pull up to Big Al's Liqour Store.  
  
Snake: Hey guys.  
  
Raiden: Well he got where he wanted to go.  
  
Snake: I see you got the car back.  
  
Raiden: just get in the car Snake. 


	7. I'll Get The Party!!!

*Raiden and Snickers drive away as Snake falls asleep in the backseat*  
  
Raiden: Well, now what do we do?  
  
Snickers: *excitedly* I know!  
  
Raiden: What?  
  
Snickers: Let's have a sleepover!  
  
Snake: *sleeping* Meryl, Meryl! I'll get you, Liquid!  
  
Raiden: What's that about a sleepover?  
  
Snickers: Yeah! Let's go to my house and we can call Otacon's house!  
  
Raiden: Ok…but one thing. Can I drive?  
  
Snake: *suddenly wakes up* NO!!! My car looks like an aluminum can Godzilla stepped on!  
  
Raiden: *mocking Snake* Meryl, Meryl! Liquid!!  
  
Snake: Shut up, kid! *attempts to strangle Raiden*  
  
Snickers: Stop Snake, and you too Raiden!  
  
Raiden: I don't have to shut up!  
  
Snake: What's wrong? PMS?  
  
Raiden: I am not a GIRL!!!!  
  
Snickers: *snickers*  
  
*The group arrives at Snickers house*  
  
Snake: Hey Snickers, do you have salami?  
  
Snickers: I don't think so, but you can check.  
  
Snake: *runs to fridge* Darn. Looks like I'll be going to the store.  
  
Snickers: Nah uh. I'm going. If you go you'll come back with 12 lbs of salami and 18 bottles of Jack Daniels.  
  
Snake: So.  
  
Raiden: *sighs* No wonder you're overweight.  
  
Snake: What did you say?  
  
Raiden: *blushes* Um, nothing.  
  
Snake: That's what I thought.  
  
Snickers: I'm leaving for the store. Don't mess up the house and no parties!  
  
Snake and Raiden: Yes Ma'am.  
  
Snickers: That's my boys!  
  
*door closes*  
  
Snake: Party?!  
  
Raiden: Beer?!  
  
Snake and Raiden: Woo hoo!!!  
  
Snake: I'll get the beer.  
  
Raiden: I'll get the party.  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Raiden: You know what I mean.  
  
Snake: You are such a mood killer.  
  
Raiden: *grabs Snickers address book*  
  
*Snake walks out door and Raiden starts dialing phone. 15 minutes later, Snake returns with beer*  
  
Snake: Lucy, I'm home!!!  
  
Raiden: Whaaaaaa!!!  
  
*A half an hour later, Snickers returns home and hears loud music.*  
  
Snickers: I'm home!  
  
Voice: Hi, honey!  
  
Snickers: Mom?! 


	8. Catfight, meow!

Raiden: *pauses from dancing with a girl in sparkly red dress* Hey! *takes a gulp of drink*  
  
Snake: Uh oh.  
  
Snickers: *her face splits into two halves and blinding yellow lights come from her eyes* EVERYBODY OUT!  
  
*A stampede of partygoers rush out the door*  
  
Snickers: *calms down*  
  
Snickers Mom: Um, bye! *runs out door*  
  
Raiden: Hey! That girl liked me!  
  
Snickers: What the…  
  
Otacon: *half-drunkenly has his arm around Tess* Hi! You're home!  
  
Tess: What a neat party! *is dressed up*  
  
Snickers: …HAPPENED HERE?!  
  
Snake: Oh nothing. Just a couple of people over.  
  
Snickers: *looks around trashed house and hits Snake in the head* CLEAN IT UP! *goes into bedroom and slams door*  
  
Otacon: We'll be leaving now.  
  
Raiden: *Grabs Otacon by collar* um, no.  
  
Snake: *points a finger in Otacon's face* You're helping.  
  
Raiden: Besides, Snickers wanted you guys to sleep over.  
  
Otacon: I guess.  
  
Tess: *hops up and down* It'll be fun, sweetie! Er…Otacon.  
  
Raiden: *snickers*  
  
*Snake sprays minty breath spray in mouth and walks to bedroom door*  
  
Raiden: Oh no Snake. Your helping us.  
  
Snake: Do I have to?  
  
Raiden: Yes.  
  
*The group starts to clean up and an hour later Snickers walks out of her bedroom and finds a sparkling clean house.*  
  
Snickers: Wow! Look how nice everything is!  
  
Snake: *lounging in chair, eating salami* Well, It's Otacon's fault. He wanted everything to be perfect.  
  
Otacon: *smiles* Forgive us?  
  
Snickers: Of course. *hugs Otacon for awhile*  
  
Tess: Um, ok. *half-shoves Snickers away from Otacon.*  
  
Snickers: *puts hand on hip* I can hug him if I want to!  
  
Raiden: Ooh! Catfight!  
  
Snake: *growls and laughs*  
  
Otacon: Girls! *trys to keep them apart as they begin to swipe at each other*  
  
Tess: He's mine!  
  
Snickers: Like I care!  
  
Raiden: This is better then my buns of steel video!  
  
Snake: You got one of those?!  
  
Raiden: *nods*  
  
Otacon: Ouch!  
  
Snickers: You hit him!  
  
Tess: It was you!  
  
Otacon: *grabs both girls wrists* STOP!  
  
Raiden: *yawns* I guess it's over now. *gets up and goes to the kitchen*  
  
Otacon: Make up.  
  
Tess: *looking down at feet* I'm sorry.  
  
Snickers: Sorry, Tess. Still friends?  
  
Tess: You bet!  
  
Snake: Cute.  
  
Otacon: It's time for the slumber party, girls!  
  
Raiden: *slides in from kitchen* Weeeee!!! 


	9. Pajama Party

*Everyone goes to various parts of the house to change into pjs*  
  
Raiden: *hops into the living room in Thomas the Tank Engine pjs* Where's my sleeping bag? *sits down on a Thomas the Tank Engine sleeping bag*  
  
Snickers: *walks in room in a pink nightie* Hi, Raiden. Cute pjs.  
  
Raiden: *sticks nose in air* I like Thomas!  
  
Snake: *walks into living room in blue pj bottoms* We all do. *pats Raiden on the back and sits down*  
  
Snickers: *blushs* Uh, yeah.  
  
Otacon: *bounces into room in Sailor Moon pj's two sizes too big and sits down on a Gundam Wing sleeping bag* Hullo!  
  
*Everyone stares at him*  
  
Snake: …aren't those girl's pajamas?  
  
Raiden: *snickers* They look like they'd fit a whale!  
  
Tess: *walks out* You guys! *waves finger at them* I think he looks cute! *gives Otacon a hug*  
  
Otacon: Ahhh!!!  
  
Snickers: *is still staring at Snake* errr…uhh…  
  
Snake: You're making me feel uncomfortable.  
  
Snickers: Uh, sorry. *blushes bright red*  
  
Otacon: Besides, the Sailor Moon girls are hot!  
  
Tess: *growls* What?  
  
Otacon: But you're prettier!  
  
Tess: Thank you!  
  
Raiden: I like your Pj's, Tess. *stares at her fluffy red pjs with drool coming out of his mouth*  
  
Snickers: *whacks Raiden in the head* Don't stare you perv!  
  
Snake: Look who's talking!  
  
Snickers: Er…um, that is…  
  
Otacon: Who wants to play PS2?  
  
Everyone: Me!  
  
Otacon: Ok! *plugs in system and puts in game*  
  
Tess: Yea! Final Fantasy!  
  
Otacon: You can play first, Tessy!  
  
Snake: *mocking Otacon* You can play first, Tessy.  
  
Raiden: Yeah! What about us?  
  
Snickers: Shut up! It's starting.  
  
*An hour later everyone is asleep except for Snake*  
  
Snake: I love this dvd!  
  
Snickers: Snake…I love you…  
  
Snake: Huh?  
  
Snickers: *mumbles* mmm…what? *wakes up and looks at Snake*  
  
Snake: *flicks off dvd* You love me?  
  
Snickers: No. I was just saying that. *snickers*  
  
Snake: Oh. Whatever. Good night.  
  
Snickers: Good night. *A few moments later* Hey, what were you watching?  
  
Snake: Er, nothing. Go to sleep.  
  
Snickers: No really?  
  
Snake: Forget it, ok?  
  
Snickers: Shhh! Alright!  
  
Snake: Good night.  
  
Snickers: Night. 


	10. Snake's Dvds

*The next morning…*  
  
Snickers: *wakes up before everyone and goes to check the dvd in the PS2* Huh? Nothings here! Dang. Snake musta got to it before me. Oh well. *sits back on sleeping bag.*  
  
Tess: Ummm…*yawns* Good morning.  
  
Snickers: Good morning yourself, cookie.  
  
Tess: Um, what?  
  
Snickers: You know what I mean.  
  
Tess: *whispers* Don't tell anyone! Only Otacon can call me that!  
  
Snickers: *sighs* Alright.  
  
Raiden: *drooling in sleep* Oh, I love you, Buffy.  
  
Tess: Buffy? *giggles*  
  
Raiden: *wipes mouth* I'm hungry.  
  
Snickers: And I'm tired, nice to meet you.  
  
Raiden: Whatever. *goes into kitchen*  
  
Tess *plays with Otacon's hair* Isn't he cute when he's asleep?  
  
Snickers: Sure.  
  
Snake: mmm…Meryl…  
  
Tess: I'm not sure I needed to hear that.  
  
Otacon: Hear what? *puts on glasses*  
  
Snickers: Forget it.  
  
Snake: Meryl…Meryl…  
  
Otacon: Ug! *shoves Snake* Wake up!  
  
Snake: Meryl? Oh, you.  
  
Otacon: Yeah, me.  
  
Tess: *snickers* he, he.  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Raiden: *walks out eating salami*  
  
Snake: Hey boy! That's my salami!  
  
Raiden: And?  
  
Snake: *gets up* You better stop eating it!  
  
Raiden: *scared* Ok! *eats one more piece*  
  
Snake: That's what I thought. *crosses arms and sits down*  
  
Raiden: Like, you need more salami?  
  
Snake: Yup.  
  
Snickers: How much do you weigh anyway, Snake?  
  
Snake: Nun ya.  
  
Snickers: Nun ya?  
  
Snake: Nun ya business. I'm going back to sleep. *Snake falls asleep*  
  
Raiden: Let's see how much he really weighs.  
  
Snickers: I'll get the scale.  
  
Raiden: Otacon, help me pick him up.  
  
Otacon: Ok, Raiden. *gets up to help*  
  
Raiden: No! Don't grab his leg, grab his head!  
  
Otacon: Ahh! He's slipping!  
  
*A small round disc falls out of Snake's pocket and Otacon picks it up*  
  
Otacon: Big Buns?  
  
Snickers: So that's what that was.  
  
Raiden: Ahhh! *falls over because Otacon let go of Snake*  
  
Snake: Huh? Let go of me!  
  
Raiden: Sure.  
  
Snake: Hey! Where's my movie?!  
  
Otacon: Right here.  
  
Snake: Give it back!  
  
Snickers: Oh brother! 


	11. Bagels and Bullets

Snake: Thanks.  
  
Raiden: *rolling on the floor laughing* Ow! OW! OW!  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Raiden: *crying* I think my legs broken!  
  
Snickers: Oh, really? Let's go! I'll drive you to the hospital  
  
Snake: I'm coming!  
  
Snickers: Hey! Where are Otacon and Tess?  
  
*strange noises come from bedroom*  
  
Snake: Go Otacon, go Otacon, Go Otacon! *cheering*  
  
Snickers: *knocks on locked bedroom door* Get out of my room, and my bedsheets, and my bed!  
  
Raiden: Hey! Remember me!  
  
Snickers: Oh yeah, you. C'mon, Snake.  
  
Snake: Alright, let's go. *picks up Raiden*  
  
Raiden: OWWW!!! Don't touch it!  
  
Snake: Shut up, you big baby.  
  
*Snake, Raiden, and Snickers arrive at the hospital*  
  
Snickers: I'll get the wheelchair.  
  
Snake: I'll get the cripple.  
  
Raiden: OWWW!!!  
  
*Snake slaps him*  
  
Raiden: Ok, ok! Just stop!  
  
*Snickers arrives with wheelchair*  
  
Snickers: I'm back!  
  
Snake: What room are we in?  
  
Snickers: 24.  
  
Snake: Alright, lets go.  
  
Raiden: Hurry up!  
  
*Snake pulls out an M9 and shoots Raiden in the arm*  
  
Snickers: Was that nessacary?  
  
Snake: Yes, he was getting on my nerves.  
  
*hours later Raiden wakes up*  
  
Raiden: Hello, is anybody there?  
  
*Snake dressed in a doctor's apron walks in*  
  
Snake: Hello, I'm Doctor Pliskin.  
  
Raiden: Very funny. Where's Snickers?  
  
*Snickers walks in with a Nurses outfit on*  
  
Snickers: Right here. How's the leg?  
  
Raiden: I don't know, I can't feel it.  
  
Snake: *starts to chuckle*  
  
Snickers: *starts to snicker*  
  
*Raiden looks in mirror and finds his face covered in makeup*  
  
Raiden: Alright, which one of you did this?  
  
Snake: *is laughing so hard he can't answer*  
  
Snickers: *points finger at Snake*  
  
*Raiden tries to get Snake but finds out he's strapped down*  
  
Snake: *starts laughing harder*  
  
*Snickers pulls M9 out of Snake's pocket and shoots Raiden*  
  
Snake: Hey nice shot.  
  
Snickers: Thanks.  
  
Snake: Grab a bagel?  
  
Snickers: Let's go! 


	12. Cops and Golfing

*They head to the bagel shop*  
  
Snickers: Wow! Look at how many bagels there are!  
  
Snake: Who wants to eat an egg-flavored bagel?  
  
Snickers: Ohmigosh! Egg-flavored bagels!  
  
Snake: There's my answer.  
  
GuyBehindCounter: What do you want?  
  
Snake: Uh. Do you have beer?  
  
GBC: No, this is a bagel shop.  
  
Snake: Do you have Salami?  
  
GBC: No this is a bagel shop.  
  
*Snake pulls out M9 and points it a GBC*  
  
Snake: Get me some salami!!!  
  
Voice: Drop the weapon and turn slowly!  
  
Snake: Not again!  
  
Cop: That's right! On the ground!  
  
Snake: Snickers! Help me!  
  
*Snickers is too busy eating to answer*  
  
Cop: I'm taking you downtown!  
  
Snake: Help!!!  
  
*15 minutes later Snickers is done her 8th egg bagel*  
  
Snickers: Wow, that was good. I better go bail out Snake.  
  
*Snickers walks outside and suddenly a cop car pulls up*  
  
Snake: C'mon, get in.  
  
Snickers: I'm not even gonna ask.  
  
Snake: Let's go minature golfing.  
  
Snickers: Ok.  
  
*Snake and Snickers arrive and get the golf clubs and balls*  
  
Snake: I'll hit first.  
  
*The hole is a ramp with a statue of Raiden at the top swinging a sword in front of the hole*  
  
Snickers: Nice hole.  
  
*Snake tries to get the ball in the hole but the sword keeps knocking it away*  
  
Snake: AHHHHH!!! *Pulls out M9 and starts shooting the statue*  
  
Voice: Alright, you! Drop the weapon and turn around!  
  
Snake: Not again!  
  
Snickers: *snickers and then starts laughing*  
  
Cop: Alright! I'll be taking my car back now and you're coming with me!  
  
Snake: NOOOO!!! 


	13. Reunited

Cop: *drags Snake to car and hauls him off*  
  
Snicker: Duh! I forgot about Otacon's car!  
  
*walks back to bagel shop*  
  
Snickers: *gets in car* Well, I'm going home.  
  
*Inside she finds Otacon smoking a cigarette and coughing*  
  
Tess: Hi!  
  
Snickers: *rolls eyes* That is so clichéd, Otacon.  
  
Otacon: *puts out cigarette* Remind me not to do it again.  
  
Tess: Where's Snake?  
  
Snickers: Oops. Uh, he shot at a Raiden statue while we were minature golfing and a cop arrested him.  
  
Otacon: Oh…where's Raiden?  
  
Snickers: …  
  
Tess: Isn't he at the hospital? Hey! My legs not broken! *dances around* It was just leg cramps! *twirls around*  
  
Tess, Snickers, And Otacon: …  
  
Raiden: What? *looks at the unbuttoned back of his hospital gown and runs in the bathroom*  
  
Otacon: …not something I needed to seee.  
  
Tess: Er, ditto.  
  
Snickers: …wanna an egg-flavored bagel?  
  
Tess: Neat! *eats bagels*  
  
Snake: *bursts in door* Heyyy!  
  
Otacon: Oh. He's back.  
  
Raiden: *walks out of bathroom in regular clothes*  
  
Snake: Guess how I got out?  
  
Everyone: WE DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!  
  
Snake: Fine. *goes in kitchen and gets salami*  
  
Tess: Close one.  
  
Raiden: Ooh, soda. *spills some on Snickers when he picks it up* Oops.  
  
Snickers: *jumps up* COLD! COLD! Ah! *grumbles as she goes into her bedroom to change*  
  
Tess: Um, Otacon…*taps him on sholder*  
  
Otacon: Yes?  
  
Snickers: *screams* Tess and Otacon! Come HERE!  
  
*the two meekly go into the bedroom*  
  
Snake: *sits down in chair* Hey, where is everybody?  
  
*Snickers is screaming incoherently at the top of her lungs*  
  
Raiden: In there.  
  
Snake: …oh. 


	14. Trigger Happy

Otacon: *from room* Ok ,we'll clean up. *pushes Snickers out door and shuts it*  
  
Snickers: *shakes her head* Those people.  
  
Raiden: I'm not sure you should have left them in there alone.  
  
Snake: Yeah.  
  
Snickers: I'm never having a sleepover again.  
  
Snake: I'm never going to minuture golf again.  
  
Raiden: *starts to chuckle*  
  
Snake: I should have never gave you that sword.  
  
Raiden: It's not my fault you suck at minature golf.  
  
Snake: *pulls out M9 and fires*  
  
"Click, click"  
  
Snake: What?!  
  
Raiden: Out of bullets, ha ha ha.  
  
Snake: *tackles Raiden*  
  
Snickers: C'mon guys! *pulls them apart*  
  
Snake: One of these days, kid.  
  
Raiden: *still laughing*  
  
Snake: hmmm *pulls out extra bullet clip*  
  
Pinck! Pinck!  
  
Snake: Ha, ha!  
  
*Raiden drops to the ground, followed by Snickers. Snake walks into the bedroom covers his eyes and shoots*  
  
Pinck! Pinck!  
  
Snake: Ha, ha! Now I can watch my dvd.  
  
*turns on dvd* 


	15. Cheerleaders From...Well You Know

*Little disclaimer: I don't own anything from MGS, Konami does. I also don't own Pee-Wee's playhouse, ESPN, PAMS *my old school*, Hooters, the song Disco Inferno and the song La Bamba. They belong to uh,…people who are not me.  
  
~Sukura and SlmNatey*  
  
Raiden: Huh?  
  
DVD: Your buns!  
  
Raiden: *stares at screen* How can anyone do that?  
  
Snake: Uh…*shuts off dvd* You'd be surprised.  
  
Raiden: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Snake: Uh, nothing.  
  
Raiden: *snickers* You did that, didn't you?  
  
Snake: Shut up! Why don't you go shave your legs or something?  
  
Snickers: That's wrong. *sits up*  
  
*annoying sounds resume from bedroom*  
  
Snake: No, that's wrong.  
  
Raiden: Hey! It's 3:00. Almost time for Pee-Wee's playhouse.  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Snickers: What?  
  
Snake: You watch Peewee's Playhouse?  
  
Snickers: You guys have been here for more then a day?  
  
Snake: Me too, man! *gives Raiden high-five*  
  
Snickers: That's too much Snake and too much Raiden.  
  
Snake and Raiden: What?  
  
Snickers: *sighs* Nevermind.  
  
Otacon: *walks out of bedroom* Ah. That was nice.  
  
*Everyone stares at Otacon*  
  
Otacon: What?  
  
Tess: *walks out of bedroom* Why are you all staring at Otacon?  
  
Otacon: Yeah, why? *looks down and fixes boxers* Just my Gundam Wing boxers. *quickly puts on clothes and takes a seat by Snake*  
  
Snake: Whatever, man. *Turns on TV to ESPN*  
  
Raiden: What's this?  
  
Snake: OHMIGOSH! Cheerleading finals! Kick higher, honey!  
  
Otacon: Snake, they're all like fourteen.  
  
Snake: And that's a problem?  
  
Snickers: Okeee.  
  
Snake: See the blonde?  
  
Otacon: They're all blonde.  
  
Snake: No. The one all the way on the left.  
  
Otacon: Yeah, so?  
  
Snake: Watch her kick.  
  
Otacon: o_O Did I see what I think I just saw?  
  
Snake: Mmmhmmm.  
  
Raiden: *moves closer to TV* Wow. *stares with wide eyes*  
  
Tess: Alright, I'll be leaving. *goes back into bedroom*  
  
Snake: *cheers* Go PAMS!  
  
Otacon: PAMS?  
  
Snake: It's short for the schools name.  
  
Raiden: Here comes Green Mountain High from Maine.  
  
Snickers: Oh, joy.  
  
Snake: This is almost better then, uh, Vegas Showgirls On Ice.  
  
Raiden: Yeah!  
  
Otacon: Uh…*weakly* Woohoo!  
  
Snake: Now this is some quality entertainment. *brings out smokes and beer and sits back* Aug! Stupid commercials.  
  
Raiden: Um, *thinks hard* Look at that girls, uh…  
  
TV: Hooters! Come to Hooters for any occasion.  
  
Snake: Yeah, she had pretty big…  
  
TV: Jugs of milk, on sale for $2.99 at Market Bargain.  
  
Snickers: That's a good price.  
  
Otacon: Yeah. It's so good it's better then…  
  
TV: Your Momma!  
  
Snickers: What?  
  
Otacon: I said that's such a good price it's better then…  
  
TV: Your sex drive. If you take this pill you will be satisfied within days.  
  
Snickers: *looks at ceiling* Help. 


	16. Easter Fun

Tess: *walks out of bedroom* what were you saying to Snickers?  
  
Otacon: It was the TV, I swear! *Gets big puppy dog eyes* you believe me, don't you sweetie?  
  
Tess: Of course.  
  
Snake: *finally notices* you guys got something going on?  
  
Otacon: Uh, duh.  
  
Snake: Um, that's freaky.  
  
Raiden: Dope.  
  
Snake: *points M9 at Raiden's head* Shut up.  
  
Raiden: Yes master.  
  
Snake: Good. You can keep watching the cheerleaders.  
  
Raiden: I'm not worthy!  
  
Snake: Just watch stupid.  
  
Door: Knock, Knock.  
  
Snickers: *answers door* Yes?  
  
Easter Bunny: *hops in* Who wants pictures? *sits in chair*  
  
Raiden: OHMIGOSH! I'm not worthy!  
  
Camera Guy Who Showed Up: You are. Now hurry up! We got the Easter Egg hunt in three minutes.  
  
Snickers: Oh, goody.  
  
Raiden: *sits on bunny and smiles*  
  
CGWSU: Anyone else? *hands Raiden picture*  
  
Otacon: *sits on bunny* What? It's cute.  
  
CGWSU: We gotta go kids. Everyone outside!  
  
*Group dazedly heads outside*  
  
CGWSU: *hands everyone a basket*  
  
Raiden: *pouts* I want pink!  
  
CGWSU: *switches Raiden's blue basket for Snake's pink* Ok, kiddies! You have five minutes. No pushing and No shoving. Ready…go!  
  
Snake: *two minutes later* Wait. Why am I here?  
  
Sexy Girl Bunny: Because.  
  
Snake: Oh yeah!  
  
SGB: *follows Snake around and giggles*  
  
Otacon: Look a purple one, Tessy.  
  
Tess: Let's get it.  
  
Raiden: *skips around* Yahoo!  
  
Snickers: *sits on grass* Why do these things happen to me?  
  
CGWSU: Cause they do. Chop, chop! Easter dinner is soon! *after the hunt, CGWSU drives everyone to a banquet hall* Ok, everyone out! Chop chop!  
  
*Everyone sits down to dinner*  
  
SGB: Snakey, lets get a hotel room.  
  
Snake: Oh yeah!  
  
Otacon: Tessy…  
  
Tess: Yes, Otacon. Us too.  
  
Otacon: Oh yeah!  
  
Easter Bunny: *takes sip of drink* hmmm…this is pretty good.  
  
Raiden: Do you want more, Mr. Bunny?  
  
Easter Bunny: Sure Raiden: *pats him on head* Good boy.  
  
Snickers: This is good. *eats more food* It's not really that bad after all.  
  
CGWSU: You bet! And in a half an hour we have presents.  
  
Raiden: Oh really? Will the Easter Bunny hand them out?  
  
CWSU: Sure!  
  
Easter Bunny: *drunkenly throws presents around room* YEAH! 


	17. Birthday Bunny

Guy Who's Kinda Like A Waiter: *brings out cake* Happy Birthday to you! *sets cake down in front of Snake*  
  
Snake: Um, it's not…  
  
CGWSU: Stupid bunny! I said a half an hour!  
  
Raiden: Don't yell at Mr. Bunny!  
  
Easter Bunny: Yeah!  
  
GWKLAW: Happy Birthday to you! *cuts cake into slices*  
  
Snake: But it's not…  
  
Snickers: Gee, I didn't know it was your b-day, Snake. Oh, I don't have a present!  
  
Otacon: Oh cake!  
  
Tess: *hands Otacon slice* Here you are.  
  
Otacon: Thanks, cookie.  
  
GWKLAW: Happy birthday to SNAKE!!!  
  
Snake: But…  
  
CGWSU: I hate you, Mr. Bunny!!!  
  
Snickers: Where am I going to get a present?  
  
Tess: I love you.  
  
Otacon: *mouthful of cake* Love ya too babe.  
  
Raiden: *pulls out M9* I told you not to yell at Mr.Bunny!  
  
Snake: *shouts* IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!!!  
  
*Everyone stops and stares*  
  
Sexy Girl Bunny: But Snakey, then I can't give you your present.  
  
Snake: *pauses* Ok, it's my birthday.  
  
*talking resumes*  
  
Raiden: *shoots CGWSU* There.  
  
Cop: Drop Your Weapon!  
  
Raiden: I'm not Snake!  
  
Cop: Oh, sorry. *leaves*  
  
Snickers: That's wrong.  
  
Snake: Yeah! Parteee!  
  
Tess: *skips around room* He said he loves me!  
  
Otacon: *runs after Tess with cake in hand* Come back honey!  
  
GWKLAW: Bye. *walks away* What a buncha werdios.  
  
Raiden: I love you Mr. Bunny.  
  
Easter Bunny: That's nice.  
  
CGWSU: *wakes up* Come on kids! Lets get you back to your mummies and daddies! *herds everyone into a van except for the Easter Bunny and The Girl bunny.*  
  
Raiden: *waves sadly* Bye, Mr. Bunny! *bursts out in tears*  
  
Snake: Stupid camera guy who showed up! I want the girl bunny! *crosses arms*  
  
Tess: He loves me!  
  
Otacon: Ok get over it. I love you.  
  
Tess: *sigh* You love me.  
  
Snickers: Home again.  
  
CGWSU: Onward! 


	18. Spiking And Dancing

*CGWSU drops everyone off at a corner near Otacon's house*  
  
CGWSU: Bye! See you next Easter, Kiddies! *drives off*  
  
Snake: What just happened?  
  
Snickers: I'm not really sure.  
  
Raiden: *crying* I want Mr. Bunny!!!  
  
Snickers: Will you shut up!  
  
Raiden *sniffle, sniffle* Sorree, Miss Snickers.  
  
Snickers: That's what I thought.  
  
Snake: Ooh, that's cold.  
  
Otacon: I never thought I hear you say that.  
  
Snake: It comes and goes.  
  
Tess: How about we grab a bagel?  
  
Snickers: Ooh, egg flavor!  
  
Tess: Yeah! *the girls skip off*  
  
Raiden: *still sulking* Bye girls…  
  
Otacon: Hey! You're not thinking what I think you're thinking!  
  
Snake: Boys Night Out! Yes!  
  
Otacon: NO! Never again!  
  
Snake: Yes!  
  
Raiden: Does it involve beer?  
  
Snake: Sure.  
  
Raiden: *hops up* Lets go!  
  
Otacon: *being drug down the street by Snake and Raiden* NO! Please! SCARY!  
  
*The boys go to a crowded bar*  
  
Snake: Look! Girls! Dancing!  
  
Raiden: Wowee!  
  
Guy: Shake it!  
  
Snake: Shut up you perv! Shake it honey!  
  
Guy: You're weird.  
  
Snake: *pulls out M9* What?  
  
*The entire bar stops and looks*  
  
Guy: Er…um…  
  
Snake: *shoots guy* That's what I thought.  
  
Otacon: *whimpering* helprunawayreallyfast…  
  
Raiden: *whacks Otacon on the back* Isn't this great?  
  
Guy #2: Are you Snake?  
  
Snake: No, uh, he is. *points to Otacon*  
  
Guy #2: Are you sure?  
  
Snake: Yeah.  
  
Guy #2: But Snake's not a dork.  
  
Otacon: Shhh! I'm trying to do my tension exercises!  
  
Snake: You have tension exercises?  
  
Guy #2: That is so not Snake.  
  
Snake: And? Get outta here! *shoots Guy #2*  
  
Raiden: *Dances disco style* I love the 70's!  
  
Snake: *hits Raiden in the stomach* And I don't.  
  
Raiden: Whaaaa! You hurt my tummy!  
  
Otacon: Youcandothisotacon…  
  
Snake: How did I ever end up being friends with you two?  
  
Otacon: I feel better.  
  
Raiden: *sniffles and weakly discos* Disco Inferno…  
  
Snake: Shuddap!  
  
Raiden: Yes, sir.  
  
Otacon: *goes to bar* Lemonade, please.  
  
Bartender: Here you go.  
  
Otacon: Thanks. *walks back to Snake and Raiden who have beer* Hey guys.  
  
Snake: Lemme see your drink.  
  
Otacon: Why?  
  
Snake: I think there's uh, a bug in it.  
  
Otacon: Here. *hands Snake drink*  
  
Snake: *pretends to get bug out* Here buddy. *hands back drink*  
  
Otacon: Thanks! *takes big gulp* Wow! That's good.  
  
Snake: I bet.  
  
Raiden: *louder* Disco Inferno!  
  
Otacon: *takes more gulps* Hey, uh, that was good. *slurring* I feel funny.  
  
Snake: *giggles like a girl*  
  
Raiden: *Shouting* DISCO INFERNO!  
  
Otacon: Hey! *points finger in Otacon's face* You, um, did something to, um, *point to drink* my drink.  
  
Snake: Me? I would never do such a thing.  
  
Raiden: *hops on bar* La, La, La, La Bamba!  
  
Otacon: *laughs* Look at, uh, look, at, uh, You know, that guy we know. Um, what's his name again?  
  
Snake: Holy…Raiden! Get the hell off that!  
  
Raiden: Awww. Yes Master. *climbs down*  
  
Otacon: Yeah! That's his name! 


End file.
